when i feel less than more

when i share my soul and it they ignore it i feel less.  when i offer my heart and they say it is not enough i feel less.  when i give my all and they take it and throw it away i feel less.  inside i am screaming – I AM MORE.  do not make me less.  i don’t want to believe it when they tell me i am less – when by their actions they brand me “less”.  i want to believe that i am more.  that i am deeply valued and treasured.  but i am afraid – the fear inside tells me i am wrong.  it tells me that maybe i AM less.  that i am adrift in the vast ocean of humanity and don’t matter at all.  that there is NOTHING special about me.  i am not desired and wanted by anyone.

there is a quiet speaking inside.  it is firm and swirls around me like a warm blanket.  YOU ARE MINE.  i want to cling to this speaking.  i want to always believe it and never doubt it.  why is it so hard to hold on to it? why does it seem to vanish like a fog in the sunlight when certain people speak?

maybe one day i will be certain of it – certain that i am glorious and special.  that i hold great honor in His heart.  how i long for that day!  i really want to say goodbye to the days of feeling less than more.

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~ by kate on March 4, 2011.

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