getting the wind knocked out of me

lots of small and medium sized blows today have left me feeling like i have gotten the wind knocked out of me.  having to be strong where others can’t be.  pushing through on promises made and needing to be kept in spite of the difficulty of it that builds.  hope – tender and small – crushed.  the seemingly endless parade of having to “try” and no prospect of comfort or relief.  and through all that keeping a “brave face”.

11:00 pm and i have almost made it through the day when the song came on the radio:

I’m standing on a bridge
I’m waiting in the dark
I thought that you’d be here by now
There’s nothing but the rain
No footsteps on the ground
I’m listening but there’s no sound

Isn’t anyone tryin to find me?
Won’t somebody come take me home
It’s a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won’t you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don’t know who you are
But I… I’m with you
I’m with you

I’m looking for a place
I’m searching for a face
Is anybody here I know
‘Cause nothing’s going right
And everything’s a mess
And no one likes to be alone

Isn’t anyone trying to find me?
Won’t somebody come take me home
It’s a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won’t you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don’t know who you are
But I… I’m with you
I’m with you

Oh why is everything so confusing
Maybe I’m just out of my mind
Yea yea yea

It’s a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won’t you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don’t know who you are
But I… I’m with you
I’m with you

Take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don’t know who you are
But I… I’m with you
I’m with you

Take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don’t know who you are
But I… I’m with you
I’m with you
I’m with you…

and now…..breathless with pain.  undone by the lonely voice in the song.  unraveled by the thought of not belonging to anyone.  sure that very little note would be paid to your own disappearance.  hoping to evaporate – knowing it would be a welcome relief.

too much.  i am still way too much.  feeling too much. analyzing too much.  stop.  stop being this way.  find a safer way “to be”.  where oh where is that place?

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~ by kate on June 13, 2011.

One Response to “getting the wind knocked out of me”

  1. just came across your story here; i can relate in a way that makes me want to cry. thank you for sharing your vulnerablility. peace be with us and lead us to light.

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